Origin: A Layoff Opened a New Chapter of Reflection
People often say that I am a courageous person. Others are quick to equate that courage with impulsiveness or recklessness. When I gave up everything in China to study abroad, many people had the same first reaction: Had I acted on a whim? Why give up a stable job to take a risk on the unknown?
Only I know that my courage has never been reckless. Whenever I reach a crossroads in life, I first imagine the worst possible outcome and prepare a fallback plan before deciding whether to take the next step. I am willing to embrace uncertainty, but every choice I make is a willing decision reached after careful consideration, never a moment of impulsive excitement.
My decision to study abroad began in that confused summer of 2022.
At the time, I had already spent nearly five years working as a frontend developer at a company in Beijing. I had been building a life in Beijing since 2016, and by 2022 I had spent six years there. Then the stable career I had built came to an abrupt end in the wave of company layoffs.
On June 17, 2022, at the age of 28, I officially left my job. Instead of rushing into another one, I set off on a solo trip.
Shenzhen, Guangzhou, Kunming, Dali, Lijiang, Shangri-La... I traveled, looked around, and let the mountains, rivers, and seas give me space to think seriously about the direction of my life.
The Choice: At 28, I Decided to Bet on Starting Over
After I returned home, I talked with my family about the future. My father suggested that I consider studying abroad: it could strengthen my academic background and broaden my view of the world.
I already knew my weak points very clearly: I had graduated from a private university outside China's top-tier system, and I was not a computer science major. My educational background had always been a vulnerability in both my career and my life. However I looked at it, this investment in education could only help my future.
But my first reaction was resistance.
At 28, studying abroad meant emptying the savings I had built during my years in Beijing and facing the language barrier and all the challenges of an unfamiliar environment. I had never been good at school either. I had only been admitted to a private university through an art-track entrance exam in high school, so picking up my books again and preparing for another round of exams felt almost impossible.
But once the idea took root, it spread quickly. So what if I was 28? Starting over and fighting for myself one more time could be its own kind of brave new beginning.
Relentless Effort: From a 50 on the Gaokao English Exam to IELTS from Scratch
Once I had made up my mind, I went straight back to Beijing to learn about the application process and enrolled in a prep program to tackle the IELTS.
Who would have thought that my English foundation was still somewhere around the second level of the Cambridge exams I had taken as a child? I had scored only a little over 50 on the English section of the Gaokao. I was starting almost from zero.
I left myself no way back. I spent more than RMB 20,000 on one-to-one foundation classes and started again with vocabulary and grammar. From October 2022 to February 2023, I studied vocabulary and shadowed Yang Shuai's IELTS speaking lessons every day without fail. I used every spare minute to learn English.
When the foundation course ended, I moved straight into a Band 5.5 IELTS class. From February 20 to March 10, 2023, I spent my days in a classroom in Wudaokou attending lessons, doing practice questions, memorizing vocabulary, and working on my speaking. The routine repeated itself day after day.
On April 1, 2023, I took my first paper-based IELTS exam and received an overall score of 5.0.
I did not let up. I immediately enrolled in an in-person intensive course targeting Band 6.5. Living on campus saved me commuting time and let me focus completely on studying. On May 20, in my second paper-based exam, I finally reached 5.5.
I thought I would keep improving, but in June, my third paper-based exam dropped back to 5.0. That period was filled with frustration.
On June 20, I went home to reset. After taking some time to recover, I returned to Beijing, then moved to Tianjin at the end of August. That brought my eight-year life in Beijing, from 2016 to 2023, to an end.
Later, in November and December, I took two more computer-based IELTS exams. My score remained stubbornly stuck at 5.0, no matter how hard I tried to raise it.
I could not keep taking the same exam forever, so I decided to try another route and apply for a pre-sessional language course.
Fortunately, all that effort was not wasted. On January 25, 2024, I finally received an offer for the University of Liverpool's 20-week Pre-sessional English course!
The moment I received that offer, all the struggle, confusion, and self-doubt suddenly had meaning.
Written at the End
From being laid off at 28 and falling into uncertainty, to leaving bravely for another country at 30, and then returning home at 32 with a sense of fulfillment, my 531 days of studying abroad became a record of crossing four years and climbing upward from a low point.
There is never a beginning that is too late. No matter how low the starting point or how difficult the road, the moment you dare to take the first step, there is always a chance to become the person you want to be.
To everyone who refuses an ordinary life and dares to start again.
Later, I often think that courage has never meant being fearless by nature. It means knowing the road will be difficult and the starting point is low, yet still being willing to move forward inch by inch and endure one step at a time. It means calculating every possible bad outcome and still choosing to try once more for the life you want.
This is my courage. It is also the whole answer to how I got here.